I walk down the steps, into the garden
Surrounded by roses, climbing so high,
sunlight falling in rays, like a curtain
not a cloud to be seen across the sky
I breathe in, and count every step taken
breathe in for eight, hold for eight and release
repeat. at the bottom of the steps awaken
as the calm, brightening waves of light cease
I know this is a dream, a dream I made
to soothe a troubled mind, too full of worry
it's worked it's self from my waking, frayed
brain to my sleeping one, lines become blurry.
when anxiety follows from night to day
gardens of roses can't keep it away
Sonnet 1 of 15
I walk down the steps, into the garden
this is not a pleasure, food is needed
winter forces the cold earth to harden
spring gave kind, warm days, seeds were soon planted
entrusted to the soil, the sun, the rain
they rose to the challenge, soon life sprouted
summer sun burned, with unrelenting pain
but ripened the produce, fattened the fruit
the elements loss becomes precious gain.
autumn, we gathered, soil we substitute
for darkness, packed away in salt or brine
and pray nature lets her order permute.
some folks grow flowers, for food they'll scrape by.
Surrounded by roses, climbing so high,
Sonnet 2 of 15
Surrounded by roses, climbing so high,
atop the world, his ultimate target
a crow, a dove, peaceful, happily fly
he climbs on and on, no walls, no carpet
he is done with his ties, safely flying
his movement is free, not bound to a circuit
without looking down, he feels them crying
saying goodbye, though it wasn't his time
never did he think he'd feel freed dying
All he knows is that onwards he must climb,
approaching the top - he must now be close
hearing now a gentle sound, a chime
darkness, pain and fear fade, hope is certain
sunlight falling in rays, like a curtain
Sonnet 3 of 15
sunlight falling in rays, like a curtain
it won't last, it never does, darkness comes
lightening strikes and thunder often drums
living as we do, life is uncertain
each day we live, apparently a gift
we fight on in the shells of out past lives
we don't stray to far, like bees from their hives
everything changed our cultures adrift
so when change finally comes alarms ring
the cloud clearance, the rain stops, blue skies shine through
and the world looks bright, fresh, starting anew
reminding us here, we control nothing
rumours spread. quickly, all demanding why
not a cloud to be seen across the sky
Sonnet 4 of 15
not a cloud to be seen across the sky
a summer's day, beautiful to behold
the sun rises, I see the day unfold
gently, carefree, without a sound, I fly
I am winged, feathered, wildly free
my life has no schedule, there is no rush
this is the existence of the song thrush
I sing, then hand the day to men I see
a beautiful sound greets my ears, he thinks
as he dons his boots, ready for the walk
there is no need for company or talk
I have the birds and the day, sunlight blinks
as thrush and man see the workd awaken
I breathe in, and count every step taken
Sonnet 5 of 15
I breathe in, and count every step taken
I approach you, with my father beside
I doubted I would ever be a bride
I am calm here, confident, unshaken
You look back at me, and I am drawn in
As our dear family and friends watch on
there is no one in the room, they're all gone,
it's just you and I,here, now, we begin
this new phase in life, in love, together
this decision was easy, i am sure
vows bind us together, love will endure
we promise, better or worse, forever
a new, calm feeling,certainty and peace
breathe in for eight, hold for eight and release
Sonnet 6 of 15
breathe in for eight, hold for eight and release
and I fall, I can't stand any longer
what can I do that will make me stronger
right now, nothing, search out my golden fleece
or silver bullet, just one solution
so that evey day is not a fight
every day doesn't take all my might
i am absorbed in each convolution
meditation, mindfulness, and self care
this war in my own brain will not desist
but, I do learn how to better exist
daily steps make me become more aware
I still fight daily, don't be mistaken
repeat. at the bottom of the steps awaken
Sonnet 7 of 15
repeat. at the bottom of the steps awaken
or not. it is darkest before the dawn
there, the mental battle lines are redrawn
repeat. and face a new day, preshaken
repeat. try to find the motivation
the will, the drive to brake this dark habit
this oppressive shell I still inhabit
repeat. in a jail of my creation
repeat. there must, must be a better way
but right now, in darkness, it escapes me
when the drum in my head won't let me be
repeat, another night, then a new day
the blue of the sky folds and starts to crease
as the calm, brightening waves of light cease
Sonnet 8 of 15
as the calm, brightening waves of light cease
I am wide awake, and I am alive
the night is over, the sun brings new drive
I made it through, life is a fresh caprise
this new person, emerges ready to shine
no longer haunted by that big black dog
no longer surrounded in thick grey fog
in the end, maybe all it took was time
when my eyes open for real, worry floods back
I am not free of anxiety, yet,
it's still a constant companion, a threat
in these brightening hours, my world stays black
as the darkness of night begins to fade
I know this is a dream, a dream I made
Sonnet 9 of 15
I know this is a dream, a dream I made
somehow, through all this, you stay by my side
sure this isn't what you planned from your bride
it isn't always perfect, but love stayed
I fell for you fast, in six weeks I knew
seven short months later we bought our house
in just under two years, you were my spouce
I knew I found my one, my lover, you
we have both had our moments, our troubles
we've each had bad times, in body and mind
we survived lockdown together, be kind,
don't settle for butterflies, or bubbles
Search out deep love, it can't fade in a flurry
to soothe a troubled mind, too full of worry
Sonnet 10 of 15
to soothe a troubled mind, too full of worry
take one good book, one hot coffee, breathe deep
get plenty of good rest, nothing beats sleep
take your time, think it over, there's no hurry
cook good food, get your five portions a day
eight glasses of water, vitamins too
protein, fats and carbs, choose what best suits you
move, stretch, your body, excercise your way
spend time outdoors, maybe grow something new
create things with your brain and hands, knit, sew,
journal, write, try something new every day
swim in the ocean, walk in morning dew
this is the plan I've written, drawn, handmade
it's worked it's self from my waking, frayed
Sonnet 11 of 15
it's worked it's self from my waking, frayed
being, making me doubt I'm good enough
to stand in front of blank slates, still cut rough
giving them knowledge to move up a grade
move up a grade in existence not just
at school, but in life, become better folk
not using insults and making a joke
building respect, resilience and real trust
evolving as people, showing real growth
it's a big question, but does it matter
are compliments real or just to flatter?
am I Karen, or Mrs Todd, or both?
whoever I am, no time to worry,
brain to my sleeping one, lines become blurry.
Sonnet 12 of 15
brain to my sleeping one, lines become blurry.
I could sit and watch you all night, all day
you dart, float, rest, go up, go down, you play
there is no rush in your wet world, no hurry
you show your bellies when it's time for food
you follow your nature, make eggs or spawn
friends come and go, no fuss when they are gone
there is no worry in your world, just good.
you are my escape when things get too much
I admire your skill at calming me down
I loose myself in your world, there I drown
I can't pet or stroke you, rare is your touch
all folk are different, we each have our way
when anxiety follows from night to day
Sonnet 13 of 15
when anxiety follows from night to day
the fight can be draining, never ending
some dark thoughts are like tungsten, unbending
I wish I knew someone heard if I pray
before, I had faith in Him up above
He would have healed me, not let me suffer
now I believe in me, not another
I choose my destiny, my source of love
so it comes down to me, I am my fate
so I put faith in myself, I am god
I am my destiny, I'm not a fraud
persist, even though the end goal is great
face anxiety, fight, with no delay
gardens of roses can't keep it away
Sonnet 14 of 15
gardens of roses can't keep it away
the end comes to us all, in our own time
one day I know I will have to face mine
but not yet. despite the darkness, I'll stay
the secret isn't anything special
it's just to find the will to keep living
find something good to keep your soul going
bodies, in the end, are just a vessel
physical bodies are not who we are
we are our memories, our joy, our love
the here and now, not some secret above
our reasons are right here, not kept afar
one day, I'll find something new, untill then,
I walk down the steps, into the garden
Sonnet 15 of 15
I walk down the steps, into the garden
Surrounded by roses, climbing so high,
sunlight falling in rays, like a curtain
not a cloud to be seen across the sky
I breathe in, and count every step taken
breathe in for eight, hold for eight and release
repeat. at the bottom of the steps awaken
as the calm, brightening waves of light cease
I know this is a dream, a dream I made
to soothe a troubled mind, too full of worry
it's worked it's self from my waking, frayed
brain to my sleeping one, lines become blurry.
when anxiety follows from night to day
gardens of roses can't keep it away
[End]
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